Towards and Away Moves: Are Your Actions Nourishing or Draining Your Mental Wellbeing?
The Same Action, Two Very Different Fuels
Here is a question worth sitting with: when you work hard, help someone, exercise, or keep in touch with the people you care about; what is actually driving that behaviour?
Most of us assume that doing good things is straightforwardly good for us. That working hard means we are disciplined. That helping others means we are generous. That staying connected means we are present and caring. And on the surface, all of that may be true.
But there is a layer beneath the action itself that matters just as much, and often more, than the action. It is the fuel behind it. The reason. The internal motivation that is actually running the behaviour.
Two people can do the identical thing; work late, go to the gym, call a friend, volunteer, and have completely different internal experiences. One person is moving toward something that genuinely matters to them. The other is moving away from something they are trying to avoid; fear, rejection, failure, discomfort, judgment. Same action. Completely different psychological experience. And over time, a completely different effect on mental wellbeing.
This is the distinction between what psychologists call towards moves and away moves, and it is one of the most quietly important ideas in understanding your own mental health.
What Towards and Away Moves Actually Mean
A towards move is an action taken in the direction of something you genuinely value. You work hard because you care about the contribution your work makes. You exercise because you value your physical health and the energy it gives you. You reach out to a friend because connection genuinely matters to you. The fuel is meaning, purpose, and genuine care.
An away move is an action taken in the direction of avoiding something you fear or don't want to experience. You work hard because you are terrified of being seen as inadequate. You exercise to punish yourself or outrun shame about your body. You check in with people because you are anxious about what they will think if you don't. The fuel is fear, avoidance, and the relief of not failing.
The crucial insight is this: away moves are not always obviously harmful. They can look productive, caring, and admirable from the outside. You can spend an entire week appearing to function at a high level while being almost entirely driven by avoidance. And that gap, between how things look and what is actually fuelling them, is precisely where wellbeing quietly erodes.
Away moves often produce relief rather than fulfilment. They reduce discomfort temporarily, but they don't build anything. And because the underlying fear is never actually addressed; only avoided, the behaviour has to keep repeating to maintain the same level of relief. Over time, life narrows. The range of actions available feels increasingly dictated by what needs to be avoided rather than what you genuinely want to move toward.
Recognising the Pattern in Your Own Life
The towards/away framework is not about judging your actions. It is about understanding what is underneath them, and noticing what that understanding reveals about the quality of your daily experience.
A useful starting point is to pay attention to how you feel after an action, not just during it. Towards moves tend to leave a sense of satisfaction, connection, or genuine engagement, even when they were difficult or effortful. Away moves tend to leave a sense of relief that fades quickly, often followed by a return to the same underlying anxiety or pressure.
Another useful question is: if I knew I wouldn't be judged or that nothing would go wrong, would I still do this? If the answer is no, if the only real reason for the action is to prevent a negative outcome, that is a clear signal that the fuel is avoidance rather than value.
Most people have a mix of both towards and away moves in their daily lives. This is entirely normal. The concern arises when away moves begin to dominate, when the majority of your daily actions are being driven by what you are trying to avoid rather than what you genuinely care about.
The 60% Threshold And What to Do About It
If you find, when you honestly look at a typical week, that more than 60% of your actions are away moves; driven primarily by fear, avoidance, perfectionism, or the need for approval rather than by genuine values, that is worth paying attention to.
It doesn't mean something is catastrophically wrong. But it does mean that the way you are currently navigating your life is likely costing you more than it needs to. It means your mental wellbeing is probably running at a deficit even when you appear to be functioning well. And it means that small adjustments at the level of awareness and motivation, rather than simply doing more or trying harder, could make a significant difference to how your daily life actually feels.
This is precisely the kind of work that psychological support can help with. Understanding what is driving your behaviour, reconnecting with what you genuinely value, and gradually shifting the balance from away to towards moves is not complicated work but it is meaningful work. And it is the kind of change that tends to compound over time.
If you're spending more than 60% of your time on away moves, reach out to our team. Bulk-billed psychology sessions are available for eligible clients with a Mental Health Care Plan; no waitlist, telehealth available across all of Australia.
At The Harvest Clinic, our AHPRA-registered psychologists help individuals understand the patterns driving their behaviour and build a life that is oriented toward what genuinely matters. Bulk-billed sessions available with a Mental Health Care Plan. Telehealth, Australia-wide.
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