Arming Yourself Against Your Thoughts: The RESOLVE Stage

For the next ten seconds, whatever you do, do not think about a pink elephant.

Chances are, that pink elephant popped right into your mind. This is one of the challenges we face as human beings: thoughts intrude into our awareness, often against our will. The harder we try to suppress them, the more persistent they become. Over the past few weeks, we’ve been exploring strategies for managing our thoughts effectively. Why? Because what the mind tells us has a profound influence on our actions and, ultimately, our lives.

If we want to live a more fulfilling life, we need to develop new ways to handle our thoughts. One approach we've been discussing is the ARRM strategy—an acronym that stands for Aware, Remember, Resolve, and Move. Today, we focus on the second "R"—Resolve.

Understanding the Resolve Stage: Arming Yourself Against Your Thoughts

Much of the time, the thoughts we experience are not ones we consciously choose. Instead, they are the echoes of past experiences, shaped by beliefs we’ve carried with us. In a previous discussion, we explored the idea of our thoughts being like passengers on a bus, each one representing a belief formed through past events. These thoughts may not always be rational or helpful, yet they influence our behavior significantly

Now, as we step into the Resolve stage, we shift from being passive recipients of our thoughts to active participants in shaping our perspective. Resolve is about deliberately choosing how we interpret situations rather than letting automatic thoughts dictate our actions.

How Thoughts Hijack Our Behavior

Our thoughts can hijack our behavior in an instant. Imagine walking down the street, catching someone’s glance, and immediately assuming they’re judging you negatively. This assumption may not be based on reality, but it triggers feelings of insecurity or self-doubt. The mind tends to default to negative interpretations, and when left unchecked, these thoughts drive our behaviors more than our chosen values do.

By learning to resolve, we take control. Instead of merely reacting to intrusive thoughts, we intentionally decide which perspectives we want to adopt. Thoughts can be automatic or intentional—and by resolving to think purposefully, we can shape a healthier, value-driven life.

The Power of a Chosen Perspective

Consider the example of a woman who was bullied in her youth. Over time, she internalized a belief that she was not good enough. As she grew older, this belief subtly influenced various areas of her life. When facing a difficult conversation with her partner, for instance, her automatic thought might be:

If I bring this up, he’ll leave me, and I won’t be able to cope.

This thought stems from past wounds, not her present reality.

However, by engaging in the Resolve stage, she can shift her perspective. She acknowledges her values—perhaps openness, honesty, and connection—and chooses to prioritize those values over fear.

She may decide:

It is more important to me to be open and transparent in my relationship than to fear losing it.

This resolution serves as an anchor, helping her act in alignment with her values rather than her fears.

Applying Resolve in Your Life

Let’s put this into practice. Consider a situation in your life that you've been avoiding due to fear or self-doubt. Follow these steps:

1. Become Aware – Notice the thoughts that arise when you think about this situation. What is your mind telling you?

2. Remember – Trace back the origins of these thoughts. Have you had similar beliefs for a long time? Where might they have come from?

3. Identify Your Values – What do you truly want in this situation? How do you want to show up in your life?

4. Form a Resolve – Choose a perspective that aligns with your values. Write it down and remind yourself of it regularly.

   
   

For example, if you fear public speaking and your mind tells you,

You’re going to embarrass yourself,

Your resolve might be:

I value growth and self-expression, and I choose to show up courageously regardless of fear.

Anchoring Your Resolve

A resolve is not a one-time decision—it is a guiding principle that you return to again and again. Just as automatic thoughts persist, so must your chosen perspectives. Keep them in view, write them down, and revisit them when your mind tries to pull you back into old patterns.

The Resolve stage of the ARRM strategy empowers us to shift from reacting to our thoughts to choosing our perspective intentionally. It helps us move beyond survival-mode thinking and toward value-driven living.

Here is a video below to help you understand more about the Arming Yourself Against Your Thoughts Resolve stage in the ARRM strategy