Reclaiming Your Internal Compass

A few weeks ago, a client told me something that stopped me in my tracks: "I don't even know what I want anymore. I've spent so long avoiding what I don't want that I've lost track of what I do want."

She'd become an expert at moving away from discomfort, avoiding conflict, dodging vulnerability, steering clear of anything that felt risky or uncertain. And yes, she'd successfully avoided a lot of pain. But she'd also avoided a lot of life.

A boy with compass - Reclaiming Your Internal Compass | The Harvest Clinic

The Avoidance Trap

Here's what happens when we make "away moves" our primary life strategy: we get very good at creating safety, but very bad at creating meaning.

We become experts at:

• Avoiding rejection (but also avoiding real connection)

• Preventing failure (but also preventing growth)

• Dodging discomfort (but also dodging what we actually care about)

The result? A life that looks fine from the outside but feels empty on the inside. We're not suffering, exactly. But we're not really living either.

What We Lose When We Only Move Away

When avoidance becomes our compass, we lose touch with our internal guidance system. We start making decisions based on what feels safest rather than what feels most meaningful.

Over time, this creates a kind of existential numbness. We know what we don't want; rejection, failure, conflict, uncertainty. But when someone asks what we do want? Silence.

It's like spending so much time running away from a fire that you forget what home feels like.

The Difference Between Relief and Satisfaction

There's a crucial distinction here that most people miss: relief and satisfaction are not the same thing.

1. Relief is what we feel when we successfully avoid something uncomfortable. It's the exhale when we dodge a difficult conversation, the lightness when we procrastinate on a scary decision, the momentary peace when we distract ourselves from difficult emotions.

   
   

Relief feels good in the moment. But it's ultimately empty. It's the absence of something negative, not the presence of something positive.

2. Satisfaction, on the other hand, is what we feel when we move towards something meaningful. It's the deep contentment after having a honest conversation, even if it was hard. It's the quiet pride after finishing something you cared about, even if it wasn't perfect. It's the aliveness that comes from taking a risk that mattered to you.

Satisfaction has substance. It nourishes something deeper.

Your Values Are Still There: Internal Compass

Here's the good news: even if you've lost touch with your internal compass, it hasn't disappeared. Your values; the things that truly matter to you, are still there, waiting to be rediscovered.

But they might be buried under layers of "shoulds" and fears and other people's expectations.

Excavating What Matters

Start small. Ask yourself these questions:

• When do you feel most alive? Not necessarily happiest, but most present, most engaged, most like yourself?

  
  

• What did you love as a child, before you learned to worry about what others thought?

  
  

• When you're 80 years old, what will you wish you had spent more time doing? More time being?

  
  

• If you couldn't fail, what would you attempt?

These aren't just feel-good exercises. They're archaeological tools, helping you dig beneath the layers of avoidance to find what's actually driving your deepest motivations.

The Practice of Small Towards Moves

Once you start reconnecting with what matters to you, the goal isn't to completely overhaul your life overnight. It's to start making small "towards moves", tiny choices that align with your values rather than your fears.

Maybe it's:

• Sending that text you've been putting off

• Signing up for that class you've been curious about

• Having one honest conversation instead of another surface-level interaction

• Taking five minutes to do something creative instead of scrolling your phone

  
  

The size of the move doesn't matter. What matters is the direction.

Living Northbound

Here's what I've learned: you can't think your way into meaningful living. You can only act your way there.

Every small choice you make in the direction of what you value is a vote for the person you want to become. Every time you choose meaning over comfort, connection over safety, authenticity over approval, you're recalibrating your internal compass.

It won't always feel good. Towards moves often involve discomfort. But they lead somewhere worth going.

The Question That Changes Everything

As you move through your days this week, try carrying this question with you:

What's driving my legs to move today; a longing for what matters, or a fear of what I can't bear?

Neither answer is wrong. But only one leads to a life you'll recognize as truly your own.

Your compass is still there, beneath all the noise and fear and should-haves. The question is: are you ready to start trusting it again?

Feeling disconnected from what truly matters to you? You're not alone, and you don't have to figure this out by yourself. At The Harvest Clinic, we guide people back to their internal compass through compassionate, evidence-based therapy. If you're ready to move from surviving to thriving, from avoiding what you fear to pursuing what you value, we're here to support you every step of the way.

Contact us to book your first appointment and begin reclaiming your authentic path forward.

Book a session today