Breaking Free from the Stories We Tell Ourselves: Understanding the Conceptualized Self
At The Harvest Clinic, we often explore how the stories we tell ourselves influence our lives, decisions, and behaviors. One fascinating approach to understanding these patterns is through the lens of the "conceptualized self."
These narratives, the "I am" statements we create, can be empowering—or limiting—depending on how tightly we hold onto them.
What Is the Conceptualized Self?
The conceptualized self is essentially the collection of stories we believe about who we are. These stories are powerful because once accepted as true, they become an "all-access pass" to influencing our behavior.
For example, if someone believes, "I am a failure," this story shapes their decisions. It might stop them from applying for a new job, asking someone out, or pursuing a goal—because the narrative dictates that failure is inevitable. Even when opportunities arise that align with their values or aspirations, this internal story can override those values, steering them away from taking action.
Similarly, a lighter story, such as "I am not a morning person," may dictate morning behaviors without question. Yet, a more precise interpretation might be, "I feel tired in the mornings, and when I’m tired, I’m less engaged with others." This reframing allows for flexibility instead of a fixed identity.
Where Do These Stories Come From?
The stories we hold about ourselves don’t originate at birth; they’re crafted through our interactions and comparisons with others. When we say, "I am funny," we’re inherently comparing ourselves to others. The same applies to "I am lazy" or "I am smart." These labels often arise from a yearning to belong and relate to the world around us.
The Hidden Power of Our Stories
Research by ACT co-founder Dr. Steven Hayes highlights an intriguing aspect of the conceptualized self: it actively filters out sensory input that contradicts our narrative.
For example, if someone believes, "I am unlovable," they may unconsciously dismiss acts of care and affection from others, as these inputs don’t align with their internal story. This filtering mechanism makes changing these narratives challenging because new evidence doesn’t easily penetrate the barriers built by these self-concepts.
Why Cognitive Restructuring Alone Isn’t Enough
This insight into how the conceptualized self filters sensory input explains why simply offering alternative evidence ("But look at all the times you succeeded!") often falls short. The challenge lies in the deeply ingrained nature of these stories and how they shape our perception of the world.
Moving Beyond the Conceptualized Self
At The Harvest Clinic, we help clients explore the self as context—a core principle of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Unlike the conceptualized self, which identifies with rigid narratives, the self as context sees these stories as experiences rather than absolute truths.
Through practical exercises like the "I Am" exploration, we guide clients to:
Recognize the stories they hold.
Understand how these narratives shape their behavior.
Practice stepping back and observing these stories without judgment.
This process doesn’t aim to "fix" or "replace" stories but to create space for flexibility, allowing clients to align their actions with their values rather than their narratives.
Watch the video below to understand much better The Conceptualized Self: Understanding Self-as-Context
Breaking free from the stories we tell ourselves isn’t about erasing them; it’s about seeing them for what they are—stories. By loosening the grip of the conceptualized self, we empower ourselves to embrace opportunities, grow, and live in alignment with our values.
If you’re curious to explore how these principles can help you or your clients, The Harvest Clinic is here to support your journey. Together, we can uncover the stories holding you back and help you move toward a life of greater meaning and fulfillment.
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